What grinds my gears

Yes, that’s a Family Guy reference. Yay if you got that.

In an attempt to rid myself of all negative energy so that I can enjoy the upcoming three-day weekend, here is a list of what is grinding my gears today:

Stupid old people in Buicks. After dropping Ian off at work and heading down Glenrose, I was turning left next to some old biddy in a Buick who decided she wanted to be in my lane and, mid-turn, moved over into it, almost hitting me. Then, instead of wondering why she was being honked at and actually stopping—or getting the fuck back in her lane—she proceeded to try to run me off the road. I honked for a good 20 seconds, and then she turned down some side street (Note: If you want a horn that people will respect, don’t buy a Honda Civic). If I wasn’t already running late I would have followed her ass. (Just to get her plates, I am not stupid enough to try to drag some fucktard out of a car window and beat her silly. That’s what cops are for.)

Of course, she was on her cell phone and didn’t even look up.

Bad drivers on cell phones. Was every god damned driver this morning on their cell phone? Jesus fucking Christ. Every asshole I saw driving (badly) was on his or her cell phone. Hi, if people are tailgating you or whipping around you because you are on 440 going 25 mph, maybe you should get off the phone (or how about the interstate) and pay attention to what you are doing, assjacket.

Single riders in the HOV lane. (This is a big one.) Before I started carpooling, I would get mad when people would drive slowly (70 or 75) in the HOV lane even if they had two people in their car. My thought was that people who actually need to get someplace drive much faster than that, and I would get mad when I couldn’t use the HOV lane to pass the other slow assholes in the lane right next to it.

I would like to announce right now that I apologize to all you carpooling people I might have cussed out for exercising your right to use the HOV lane. I would also like to give the big middle finger to people who drive in it with only ONE person in the car and are not using it for passing only.

You see, I understand that there are a lot of retards who drive in the lane right next to the HOV lane and only go 70 mph. I know, it really sucks. And sometimes you, single driver, need to pass those people using my HOV lane. That’s fine, I gotcha. Go ahead.

But you assholes who drive in the HOV lane ALONE, going 70 mph or slower (hell, 75 mph or slower), really, really piss me off. You obviously think that the law doesn’t apply to you, and even though there are tons of people (carpoolers and non-carpoolers) trying to pass you, you are content to clog that lane up all by yourself. Because you are above the law.

See, I am a carpooler. I take time out of my day and my evening so that I can drop Ian off before I go to work and pick him up after I leave. Ian gives up a bit of his independence by being car-less during the week. He works longer hours without getting paid because he has to wait on me to come get him after I leave work. We are both making sacrifices (and maybe helping that thing called the planet), and all that we ask is to be able to use the lane that is actually designated for drivers like us.

But no, single driver in the HOV lane, you have decided, “Fuck the sacrifices made by the carpoolers of Rutherford County! Fuck them in the a-pipe! Even though it’s illegal, and really I could be driving in one of those other three lanes just as easily, I am going to poke along at 65 mph in the HOV lane. Oh, except when I see a state trooper up ahead. Then I’m going to slam on my brakes and almost cause a wreck trying to merge back in to the lane I’m supposed to be riding in.”

So to the cell-phone-talking, slow-or-bad-driving, illegal-HOV-lane-riding motherfuckers of the world, I hope you have a shitty weekend. I hope you burn what you try to grill, get a wicked hangover, and maybe fall down some stairs. I hope a dog bites you, and your cell phone battery dies when you run out of gas on the interstate.

I would wish you a car wreck, but that might involve hurting an innocent driver. Plus, it would probably fuck up traffic for me. And you already do that enough as it is.

~ by Megan on August 29, 2008.